The costume clock is ticking, and if you don’t want to wake up in November awash in a sea of what-ifs, it’s time to get cracking on your Halloween fit. Trick-or-treaters of all genders should, if the spirits so move them, absolutely be dressing up as Dolly Parton, or perhaps the late and legendary Arkansas fiddler Violet Hensley. But if blood-curdling garb is more your style, dig into your crafting closet and drum up one of these genuinely horrifying ensembles.
A data center
Got a cardboard box, a Sharpie and the internal body temperature of a thousand suns? This one’s for you. If you’re not carrying a candy bucket or your purse, tote a dropper of brown food coloring and delight fellow partygoers by discoloring their drinking water; it’s fun for the whole family! Want suggestions on what else to add? Just ask ChatGPT; it’s completely free to use and has zero consequences for the collective future of humanity!
The E. coli in Dierks Lake
Great news for last-minute planners: Nobody really knows what E. coli looks like, anyway. Transform into the terror awaiting Howard County swimmers by simply affixing crepe paper streamers to a rain poncho, or your fuzziest pajamas! Make the costume multisensory by tromping through dog poo to add an olfactory effect.
U.S. Sen. Tom Cotton
Just a classic white-sheet ghost outfit with an out-of-state address, a slice of birthday cake in the hand and two soulless holes for eyes; you’ve got this!
Central High baseball and softball fields
What better way to lampoon inequity in high school sports funding than this his-and-hers charmer? Lots of room for interpretation in this couples costume, but the key here is rags and riches: The boys’ baseball field should channel all the glitz and glamour of a $5 million facility, while the girls’ softball field should evoke “poor drainage, inadequate seating and a single locker room too small for the team.”